Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize