I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
