Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize