The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
