my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
