Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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