clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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