How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
