Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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