well I can't set my house on fire every night
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just invented taco cereal.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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