I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
