I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
