Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
