Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Can you bring me the toilet please
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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