I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
