we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
