evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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