i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
