fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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