never play flip cup with pint glasses
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
