I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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