I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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