i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
