I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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