so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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