So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
