Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
