well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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