She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
