I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
