South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
