Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Buhtt sex?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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