it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
