"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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