I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
