oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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