There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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