I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
