i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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