nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
