I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
