the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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