Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
