when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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