anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
