I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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