Life is so much better after having sex.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
