I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
