I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
