well I can't set my house on fire every night
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
