Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
