a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Randomize
