are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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