We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
