You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
