your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
