you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
