I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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