I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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