Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
