He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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