do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
