in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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