I hate your face
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
