Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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