Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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