The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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