belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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