I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
