He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
