walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize