what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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