marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i now understand why vodka
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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