I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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