dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
