A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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