Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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