my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Its about making memories worth repressing
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
