At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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