Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
