Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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