if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
