Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
