I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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