if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
